I Still Exist!

Look! I’m still here! My last post was all about stress, and a lack of any posting. Yet, here I am, several months later, still without a blog post. I have’t forgotten about my blog or my YouTube channel, I have thought about it, had a couple of flickering ideas, but none of them have caught fire. I go in waves where I’m proud of my Youtube channel and blog, and then another where I feel really embarrassed by it.

I’m still working as a Photopass Photographer in the Magic Kingdom, and I’m actually coming up on my “official” one-year anniversary with the company! I’ll also be temporarily transferred to the waterparks for the summer! As much as I love Photopass, I’ve feeling a little bit in a rut with work. I still have not been trained in any specialties, so I’ve been feeling really disheartened. I’m looking forward to a little change of pace and scenery for the summer!

I’ve said it before, and I’m going to say it again. I’m going to try and get back into the swing of things. I’m going to start with my blog, and try and go from there. So don’t worry, I still exist!

Stress.

So I’ve been away from both my blog and YouTube for awhile now…and honestly there isn’t a real reason for it. I’m stressed. I’m feeling uninspired. I’m feeling alone. I’m scared of what the future holds. But there is always one quote I cling to in the down times:

“Life is like a book, some chapters are better than others.”

Simple, and to the point. I may be having a hard time now, but I’ll get past it, and move onto the next.

Right now I’m just thankful for the very few friends here, and I’ve been trying to work on strengthening those relationships. I’m doing my best to not sit alone at home, and going out and doing things. Even if it is by myself sometimes. Occasionally I just need to get out of the house. So today I took myself out shopping, and had dinner with a friend.

It isn’t always easy, and sometimes things get put on the back burner, but you just got to keep on, keepin’ on. Hopefully I can get back into the swing of things.

 

The Lesser Known…

I live and work in the most magical place on earth! The sun is always shining, I’m making the magic! And yet, there aren’t roses and rainbows everywhere. There’s a little dark cloud seemingly following me around.

Sure, on my social media I’m casually hanging out in front of Cinderella’s Castle, basking in the Osbourne Lights, dancing with different characters…but what you don’t see, is me struggling.

Don’t get me wrong, the Disney College Program is the best decision I’ve ever made! But it’s also probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. Harder than high school, more challenging than college. In all aspects of my life, this program has taken it’s toll.

I’ve moved halfway across the country from all my friends, and family. I came here not knowing a soul. Seeing them all so happy and together, while I’m here alone.

I’m living with 5 other girls, on top of sharing a bedroom, which is no easy task. From passive aggressiveness, to not truly having my own space to escape to. I’m always on edge.

Living in an area I know nothing about, and depending on my GPS for almost everything. Even getting lost going home after work. Not knowing what areas are safe, and where I should be more careful.

I’m struggling to make friends that won’t be leaving to go back to school come January. Becoming so close to people I may never see again.

Waiting and waiting to hear back if I got a professional internship. I applied months ago, and have only received rejection letters since.

I work long hours, and have near impossible guests. Being yelled and sworn at, then having things be thrown at me. People demanding I give them a “magical moment.” Breaking down and crying in the stockroom. Ever-changing work hours wreaking havoc on my sleeping pattern. Being surrounded by so many people, but still feeling so alone.

I’m trying to make a life down here, without having a clue where to start.

My stress is through the roof, and I’m finding it almost unmanageable at this point. Typing this out is probably the first time I’m really putting into words how I feel, and I still don’t feel like I’m covering all my bases. I feel lost.

I love it here, and I have every intention of staying. But don’t let my social media fool you. Dreams do come true, but they aren’t always easy.